At the age of sixteen and a Junior in High School, I met a girl at a juice bar called McGreevy's in
Niles,Glennview IL. She was flirting with a guy behind me on the dance floor, though I didn't know it. Everyday Is Halloween by Ministry started pumping through the speakers surrounding the alternative music dancefloor. I remember the hot, sticky smell of hair gel and Aqua Net as if it were yesterday. Didn't matter if you were at McGreevy's, Medusa's, Metro, or even the Palace to see Naked Raygun with the Dead Kennedys and Crucifux, the smell was the same even if the vibe wasn't.
In a shocking development, this girl, Tex, was a redhead - shocking because in my life I've dated only two people who weren't. In an odd twist of genetics gone wild, I've since learned that trait was passed from my 90 year old, WWII veteran, immigrant father to me... and from me to the one we call Bam Bam. That's right, Bam Bam, it's never too early to fall head over heels for Shirley Manson, Miki Berenyi, or even in a moment of weakness Gillian Anderson - but as you, my many long time reader, know, that is something we've already discussed and needn't address anymore.
Tex liked the music almost as much as she enjoyed flirting. We ended the night listening to Modern English reminding the world that they would stop the world and melt with you. "That's our song!" she exclaimed. That was everybody's song, but I let it go. We made out. She left me her phone number. I called her the next day... only to find out that she lived about 35 minutes away via the highway in Schaumberg, Illinois. I was devastated. I didn't have a car...but I needed to see her. I set about hatching a plan.
"Dad, can I have the car to go on a date?" I asked sincerely figuring that honesty was the best place to start.
"No. You are too yong too go out ahn eh date, my zon."
"Aw, c'mon, Dad. I really like her!"
"My zon... Gehrls are nutting but trow-ble. So, no. You can see her ven you and doze friends of yours go out together again."Fuck! Whoever said honesty is the best policy clearly was thinking without a sixteen year old's hormones. Saturday, I would ride!
Saturday came and my dad, the hardest working man I've ever known, went to bed at 730 just as he always did. My dad left every day for work around 3:30am and returned around 4:30pm and was always beat from working at the plant. His academic life squashed when a World War broke out, his tenacity and love of his family drove him to do whatever it took to make sure we were all safe and fed. Whether that meant working at a bowling alley or fishing some guys sliced off appendage out of a vat of meat and rushing him to a hospital, my dad always did whatever it took for us and as long as it wasn't disciplining us he always did the right thing. I say this because of my guilt at what I did next.
At precisely 8pm, I knew that he was asleep. We had a heavy, attached, wooden two car garage door that was loud as hell when you opened it up. I was taking a huge risk. I opened it carefully, taking nearly three minutes to get it open quietly. Mom was working at the plastics factory. I told my brother I was going out with friends and that he should stay home in case the younger kids woke up. I rolled the car in neutral out of the garage, pushing it into the street. I then carefully closed the garage door and took off.
Halfway there - you can't make this shit up - the transmission jacked up. I shit you not. I was on I-90, I believe, when the car topped out at forty miles an hour. I needed to turn back.
But, NO! The raging hormones wouldn't let me! I proceeded with flashers on to make my way all the way to her house. We stayed in. We watched a movie. Her folks were gone. Makeout city!!! Woo hoo! Half nekkid and making out we heard the sound of a key in the lock! FUCK!!!!!! She scrambled to grab her clothes as I started to fly out the back of her house through the sliding glass doors. Suddenly a hand grabbed me. I spun around. Her soft lips planted a slow kiss on my lips. "I'll stop the world and melt with you," she said as her parents, blocked by a closet and a jutting wall from seeing us entered into the foyer. I blasted out of the house and she upstairs. Woo! I walked up the block - what? Did you think I'd park in front of her house? Are you nuts??? I carefully rolled the car home humming Modern English the whole way.
I got home and there he was. Waiting for me. Fuck....
"Vere vere you?" he asked.
"I got called into work."
"Really? Vere are your vork clothes?"I had thought of everything. In my backpack was a dirty jumpsuit from the pizza place where I worked. I pulled them out and he nodded his head.
"Dad, there's a problem with the car."
"Vot kind of problem?"
"The transmission is slipping." FUCK! I screwed up! The transmission slipped going into fourth gear. So, either I was on a highway which I couldn't have been with work only a few blocks away or I'd been speeding like a motherfucker!
"Yes," he said. "It starts slipping in fourth gear, my zon. I'm going to feex it toomorrow."It was time to abandon ship and get the fuck out of there! Just scoot upstairs and pretend you didn't discuss the transmission.
"Eggo," he said.
"Yeah, pops?" I replied.
"Is she nice?" he said.
"Dad," I paused. "She's beautiful."
"Did she keess you?"
"I kissed her."
"Do you remember it?"
"You bet I do, dad."
"Don't ever forget that, my zon. Now, go to sleep."It was the first time I'd ever seen my dad look old. There was a kind of sadness in his eyes. I've got an awesome family today. My house is filled with much love. I remember all the great kisses. The greatest would come many years later. However, I have two regrets about that night. One, I should have apologized to my dad for lying to him. Two, I should have thanked him for understanding.
Sorry, dad, and thanks for being so cool...oh, and, dad? It was a great kiss and I'll never forget it. She stopped the world to melt with me...
