Unofficial Terms, Vol XXXVIII (pronounced: "Tuasopa"): *warnographic* and Hooray, Farmer's Market!!!

I'm pretty sure the Farmer's Market is going to be open this weekend. Fresh veggies. Great crafts. Succulent fruit. I wonder if Slow Joe Lieberman and John McLame will show up in their flak jackets with snipers and tanks and 50 Cals!! What a *warnographic* moment that would be!!! I'd like some broccoli, beans and my change or else you're swiss cheese, you cow milking biyatches!!!"

Oh, and, Joe? I don't think those are really UnderArmor shades no matter what they tell you!!! Just sayin'.....

Echo Wants Sexy. What's Sexier Than Bacon?

Wherein I Do The Interview Thing...

R.E.M. in happier times.

Tenacious S rips out the questions and I throw down like a Swedish gangsta! ....um... I'm not Swedish...but I hear there's a party in Sweden's Pants. (Video contains foul language and adult situations).



T: Question 1. I happen to know you have moved around a lot. Do you have a favorite place that you have lived or is there a destination that you are aiming for in the future, because I also know you *love* your current location?

ECHO: It's very difficult to top living in Assland. Assland is a special country tucked within this state that happens to be the ass end of the US of A. I've loved different things about the many places we've lived. Far and away the most incredible place in Amurka is Washington DC. So much history, corruption, drama... and probably the greatest city for health conscious individuals in the world (he says as he remembers running behind a metro bus inhaling jeebus knows what).

T: Question 2. What is one of your pet peeves as a parent?

ECHO: I have no pet peeves as a parent. I knew exactly the kind of torture, misery and pain I was embarking on when I began this journey. Generally, the only time I really get upset is when I walk into a trap they've set and I end up getting the waterboard treatment until I tell them the location of the hidden plans. That sucks. And it recurs every time they realize that I didn't really hide the secret plans where I told them. See, kids? Torture doesn't work. Now, if they'd just get me some ice cream...

T: Question 3. You are running for the presidency and need to choose a campaign theme song, what do you choose?

ECHO: Too Drunk To Fuck

T: Question 4. If life were an iPod (because I like to think that mine is), what three bands would be on the most played list for your life?

ECHO: Sugar. R.E.M. The Smiths. Oh... And... um... BLOCKHEAD! They fucking rule!!

T: Question 5. I hear you have the inside scoop on Grant Miller. Dish us a tasty morsel!

ECHO: He's got a really beautiful vagina. He believes Stephen Malkmus is a god. He trims his porch at least once a week. Three morsels... None of them tasty though....

Did I mention the party in Sweden's pants? Courtesy of Nerve's Scanner Blog - Read it, GEWs!!

Unofficial Terms, Vol XXXVII (pronounced: "Tsckischvilli"): *Conserva-do* and Analyze This Dream... Vol Fish

Okay. So, I had a Karl Pilkington moment last night. In deepest slumber, my dream began when I found myself being asked to go for a ride in a vintage 60's convertible by a gorgeous blonde. She told me she was out of work and down on her luck. Then she kissed me. Woa... what a kisser! Then, I realized it was Kristen Bell from Veronica Mars. We talked for a bit. We kissed again. She told me she needed to get her hair cut and proceeded to drive there.

I figured she was heading to some swank stylist, but slowly realized that the Hollywood scene had turned to the interior of a soup kitchen/barber shop.

"I'm out of work now. This isn't the best, but it'll do. It's only hair afterall. It'll grow back."

There was another woman sitting in the barber's chair who stood up to reveal the most hideous *Conserva-do* you've ever seen. Bangs in the front. Longish hair in the back. Curling iron curl to the front of her head to give that poodle look above her forehead. Hair curled under in the back. She removed the drape that caught all the hair clippings to reveal *mom jeans* and a pink and blue striped blouse with white ruffles down the middle front where her buttons should be. Eek.

"Well, here goes nothing," Kristen told me and gave me a kiss, one that didn't last nearly long enough. Kristen, I thought. I want to savor this moment... But it was over before it ever really began. She turned to approach the barber's chair which I knew would certainly doom her future in entertainment.

"Wait!" I shouted. "Please! Let me buy you a real haircut. I know this great stylist!"

"No," she replied. "That's quite thoughtful. But I can take care of this myself."

She sat in the chair. I lamented what they would do to her beautiful coiffe. Then I asked myself, Stylist? I know this great stylist??? My god that's lame... I don't think I even know a stylist... Dammit! I just blew it with Kristen Bell... And then I awoke....

Ten points to anyone who can successfully interpret this dream...

Unofficial Terms, Vol XXXVI (pronounced: "zzzvi"): nah, wait for it...it'll be funnier that way...

Dear GEWs for GESUS,

As many of you may know, Grant Miller is resting in stable condition this morning following the dramatic operation performed on his person yesterday. For years, Mr. Miller has been on a quest for perfection. Yesterday morning, unbeknownst to his readers, family and friends, Miller - upset with his appearance - subjected his person to.... vaginoplasty. A *Designa Vagina* is what he has longed for lo these many years...and now he ... kind of sort of.... maybe has one... kind of sort of....

Upon discovering that Mr. Miller did not possess a vagina in any normal sense of the word, doctors were slightly embarassed. Said Dr. Specimen: "Well, his clitoris is a bit smaller now... Um..." When asked if Mr. Miller did receive his *designa vagina*, Dr. Specimen noted that "technically it is a one of a kind and not something you can just buy off the rack."

Please pray for [Redacted]...

Yours in battle,

Echo

Hmmm..... Bacon...

Wow... That's a lot of bacon....

Cops Gone Wild, Vol I

Nothing I say can add to this little gem. "And I think we're dead."




Oh... And, yes, time has indeed been moving really, really, really slow...

Okay.... Soooo.....

One of my many adoring fan took the *Bearclawing* post a little too seriously. Everything looks to be back to normal now. I get the stitches out tomorrow, but I don't know where I'm going to get the money to remove the tattoo I don't remember getting in the first place - it's a viking ship that seems oddly familiar...

Thanks for all of your well wishes and thanks to T for bringing me the *haylin' pow'r o' Jay-Z*.....

Now, back to the showgram....

Laying on of Hands

Brother and Sister Bloggers,
We must gather around Brother Echo and have a laying on of hands. Echo has been illing for lo these past few weeks and needs speedy recovery. Please gather round and lay your hands on, uh, his blog. May Echo feel the mighty power of bloggers united for his sake. Bless you, Brother Echo. Come back soon, your GEWS are wandering in the wilderness.

Your Sister GEW,
Tenacious S